The Journey Part 2, the new photo above is Lisa and her family

Again, I will be sharing bit and pieces of Lisa’s Journey along her road to hopefully full recovery, Lisa is in her mid 30’s with a 4 year old daughter. The day to day journals from her husband, the love and support from family, friends and co workers has made all the difference in both of their lives along the day. Here is part 2:

Tuesday, May 9th

Journal entry by Jacob โ€” 5/9/2017

Lisa had a busy day today. This morning, she took and did fine on another breathing test. The frequency of the eye bobbing seemed to go down, but it was certainly still an issue today. She also received two units of blood. To try to figure out why she keeps needing blood, aside from all the blood draws, they did an endoscopy. The result showed some ulcers that were already starting to heal. The doctors had actually already suspected ulcers could be contributing to the blood loss, so she actually had already started the appropriate medicine for it.

Most of you know that Lisa is pretty feisty. I love that about her and cracked up when they initially went in for the endoscopy, she was not having any part of it. She clamped her mouth shut so hard that they had to break out propofol to get her to ease up. They usually don’t need to use that.

Cool stuff for today, I got a couple huge smiles. First one was when I delivered a kiss from Everly. Second was when I told her that the first finger she should start moving again is her middle so she could flip off the doctors when they hold her eyelids open. Side note, I understand why they need to do it and we have great doctors. She also was responding to some questions by moving her eyebrows.

Everly was feeling sick this morning and my mom and Aunt Sherri were nice enough to drive her home. From there I took her to the doctor and to pick up the resulting prescription. She is basically Lisa’s right hand man for everything. I was on speaker phone with the Costco pharmacy to ask when the prescription would be ready and (completely out of the blue) she says “Daddy I have something important to tell them, I need more fluoride tablets.” I asked them and she was right! She earned a Red Robin lunch for that. Needless to say I had to move the long term acute care tours to tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 10th

Journal entry by Jacob โ€” 5/10/2017

Lisa’s eye bobbing increased in duration and frequency today. There were times where they lasted over an hour. The doctors continue to think the movements are related to a brain stem injury. This could be a couple things: 1) We know that she had some stroke damage on the left side of her brain stem, 2) We know that she had swelling which compresses and can damage the brain stem. I’m hoping for the second, without damage, with improvement the more that swelling goes down. Please pray for that and that she’ll start getting some functions back soon.

I visited the two long term acute care facilities today and Regional Hospital in Burien is really the only choice I feel comfortable with. It’s a great place and the staff seem really nice and knowledgeable. If she ends up going to an LTAC hospital, that’s where I’ll try to get her. Thanks to everybody who provided me with feedback.

Thursday, May 11th

Journal entry by Jacob โ€” 5/11/2017

As long as all goes well with insurance and there are no emergencies, we will be moving to Regional Hospital tomorrow or Monday. It’s really exciting that Lisa is stable enough to move out of critical care, but scary at the same time. When she transitions to the long term acute care hospital, I’ll transition away from being with her every night and day (to take care of Everly and return to work). We’ll of course set up a calendar to make sure she has a steady stream of visitors and Everly and I will definitely be there a ton. Regardless, my anxiety level will be high. I’m comfortable with her being well taken care of at Regional, but just hope she knows how loved and supported she is.

As Lisa is about to leave this is also a good time to mention how amazing her care has been. We were so blessed to be at Swedish Cherry Hill when Lisa had her big stroke. The Neuro Critical Care unit was fantastic. Doctors, surgeons, nurse practioners, nurses, nurse assistants, respritory therapists, social workers, and everybody else we worked with were knowlegable and kind. Some folks even will be following this site to keep up on how Lisa is doing. I hope they’ll forgive me for any medical terminology errors. They really know so much, it’s tough to keep up!

Big news for today was really the move. I would add that the eye bobbing settled down significantly and that Lisa got a ton of rest. She did her breathing test for over 11 hours today and did great. For the googlers, these are called spontaneous breathing trials (or SBTs). The neuro surgeon removed staples and stitches from prior surgeries, which was very cool.

Friday, May 12th

Journal entry by Jacob โ€” 5/12/2017

Lisa will officially be moving to Regional Hospital on Monday! Today the eye bobbing picked up a little, but it was still a good day. She stayed on SBT successfully all day. This bodes well for quickly getting off of the ventilator at Regional. We also got some great smiles today. There was a respitory therapist in the room and he said, “She looks just like an actress (insert back and forth with me and the nurses to figure out her name)…Olivia Wilde”. She got a huge grin which gave everybody in the room a big grin. Later I had her Pandora going and asked if she wanted to dance with me. She shrugged her shoulder, which was a new move, and I said “what is that supposed to mean?” That got a big grin too. I tried to get her to do the shoulder shrug again and she did it once, but not in front of the nurses.

More information to come on the move and lining up visits. Thanks for the continued support everybody!

The Journey – Miracle’s Do Happen Part 1

I have a co worker whom is quite the amazing man, father and husband. A tragic event happened in his life in May of this year. What is to follow on daily basis is the very detailed journal he has kept of his ongoing journey that has both brought me to tears, inspired me and literally taught me how to look at life in awe.
I hope you will follow this journey with me as each day I come into work and the first thing I do is to look for his entry on what new things and miracle’s have transpired since the day before.
This is a journey of never give up, inspiration, strength and overall faith and love at it’s genuine core.

Each of these posts are in his own words and I’ve not edited

Before Caring Bridge (4/16/17 to 5/2/17)

Journal entry by Jacob โ€” 8 hours ago
The first journal entry I made on this site was on 5/3/17. Prior to Mason and Karyn setting the site up, I was updating people via text messages. Often these were responses to one off questions as opposed to full updates.

A lot happened prior to 5/3/17, and I thought it would be cool to compile some texts from 4/16/17 to 5/2/17 to fill in that timeline gap for Lisa. I threw in one extra from 5/8/17 that I thought she would like.

Just got back from ER and Lisa is still there (they admitted her). I’m going to have Mom and Fred bring Everly to the Easter party and will head back to the hospital. Lisa had a headache the last few days and had extremely high blood pressure. Doctors thought she might have a stroke. They are having a hard time getting her blood pressure down and admitted her.

She’s at the hospital still. Stable, but blood pressure still high. Saw some calcium deposit in her brain in the CT scan so they’re going to do an MRI.

Transported to Seattle last night because of their expertise. Rough night with nausea and pain. Doing scan now to make sure everything is still alright.

[Side note: We had gone to the emergency room in Issaquah at 1AM on 4/16. We were transferred to Seattle at 9PM.

Following the scan in Seattle, doctors rushed Lisa to have an emergency thrombectomy since she had actually been having a stroke. The cerabellum damage was causing the nausea]

She’s doing well. They are just watching close to see if they need to do surgery to relieve pressure from swelling. That’s in line with what they expected.

[Side note: They took the breathing tube out this day and, as of 6/27, it was the last time she had normal food. She had cranberry juice with a thickener in it. She loved it!]

Last night Lisa had experienced some swelling in her brain (which the doctors had warned may happen) and so they performed emergency surgery to relieve the pressure. She made it through successfully and they kept her sleeping all night to heal. Today they will wake her up. I’ll keep you posted, she did really well all night.

Lisa woke up, but they had to put her back to sleep for a bit to make her comfortable while they set her up for this treatment. I believe they will start letting her wake up again now.

It is too soon to restart blood thinners but we have to. She’s getting more clots. They have her sleeping now and comfortable and are giving her the blood thinners. Now we just pray that she doesn’t bleed where they operated on her brain yesterday.

She can’t breathe without help. Mostly it’s that she doesn’t have a gag reflex right now. Based on that and how critical she is right now I’m guessing we’ll be here awhile.

Lisa made it through the day successfully. Was pretty sketchy in parts. Particularly in one situation where the doctors disagreed and had me chose the treatment plan. Luckily, the one i chose worked out. Hoping to get a few hours of sleep tonight.

Lost some left arm function over night. MRI this morning. Results were great in that the stroke isn’t on the part of the brain we were worried about. Unfortunately her swelling is trapping some fluids, so they will probably have to do a surgery to put a drain in. Surgery isn’t risky, but they would have to take her off blood thinners to do it (which is risky).

Blinks to communicate. She got sleepy just now so they are rushing her in for another surgery. Drain in head.

She flat lined prior to surgery and they revived her. They did the surgery right in the room. Hard to tell how she’ll come through. In CT scan now to find out what happened. Hoping that it’s not a new clot or stroke in the brain stem area.

Scan is back and her brain has swelled too much. The only option is surgery to cut more bone out to open up more space. Very dangerous and unfortunately our only option. She was unresponsive prior to surgery, including her pupils. They shot her with a hypertonic solution (high sodium to quickly decrease swelling) and sent her down to surgery.

Out of surgery and into CT. We may not know until tomorrow. They have to get her out of sedation. May not do that until tomorrow. Once they do, she will either respond or not. Still a chance. It’s a small one, but there is one. She should be back up here to the room any minute.

She is a rock star. Made it out of surgery and is awake. Can blink answers. Unbelievable. The doctors are even saying shes amazing. Pray for increased mobility, decreased swelling, no clotting. I’ll report back tomorrow.

Seriously, the doctor was shocked. Obviously things are still very serious, but I feel like the luckiest guy in the world right now.

The surgeon came in and was floored. He said it’s a miracle. Still a risky day ahead though.

Doing blood thinners today and hoping that yesterday’s surgery doesn’t bleed. She’s getting pretty angry at the breathing tube which is pretty tough cause I can’t do anything to make her feel better about it.

She’s doing well. They haven’t started the blood thinners yet. Doing so shortly.

No major events today. First day since Sunday at 1AM! We’re going to try to get some sleep tonight. I think I’ve probably gotten about 12 hours since Saturday.

Hoping we can make some progress on the breathing tube tomorrow. It is the most uncomfortable thing for her.

Night went pretty well. Fought off a little fever, but otherwise just got some rest. They have her partially sedated to help her relax. Goal for today is to make progress on removing the breathing tube. She hates that thing (who wouldn’t).

Today they need to see if she can swallow. Also hoping she starts moving her hands and feet, but we just won’t know yet.

Major progress! A full day with no major setbacks. We got a little sleep too. Probably 5 or 6 hours, off and on.

Day went well. She did well on the breathing test, but it’s 50/50 whether she’ll be able to swallow right now. They are letting her rest up and will try to pull the breathing tube tomorrow morning. Pray she can swallow. If not, they will put a little thing in her throat instead which would still be way more comfortable. That would have to happen Monday.

One time on Tuesday or Wednesday when we thought she was stable I quickly went home and showered and packed some clothes.

Days all kind of blend together

Unfortunately Lisa couldn’t breathe on her own once the tube was removed and they had to put it back. They sedated her to keep her calm and relaxed. They will do a trach tomorrow in order to remove the tube so that she’ll be more comfortable.

She actually can breathe on her own when the tube is in. The tube goes through her vocal cords. Once the tube is removed, she can’t control her vocal cords and they clamp up. Can’t know if it’s permanent or not yet.

Big news for the day is that the doctor got Lisa to move her left thumb on command! Was a big deal since she hadn’t moved any extremetries since about 3 days ago. That’s a good sign. Other than that she rested all day. Excited to get that tube out tomorrow since I think it will significantly increase her comfort.

Big day today! Breathing tube out at around noon. Everly is doing great. Had a sleepover at a friend’s house yesterday. Going to be at our house and going to school all week. Have family members and friends trading off days. All Lisa approved of course.

Getting a blood transfusion now. Nothing concerning for the doctors, just will give her additional energy and help prepare her for the minor surgery (to remove the breathing tube and place the trach).

Hasn’t moved her thumb again, but she’s been sedated and tired. I wouldn’t expect it again until after surgery today when she collects her energy and comfort. Side note, I have used the public restroom for teeth brushing, changing, etc. It’s gross, so I’ve been snagging these super strong cleaning wipes from the room. The nurse today was like….ummm you’re supposed to wear gloves with those. They’re super bad for you I guess. idea!

If she is super stable I may head home for a short time Wednesday to shower and switch out clothes. Also to hang with Everly.

Surgery went well. She’s still completely knocked out to rest. Looks great (as always though).

Lisa woke up a bit. She can smile, but is super sore. Still moving her fingers too.

Surgery tomorrow to get feeding tube in her stomach. Then they can remove the one going through her nose.

She’s doing ok today. Moves left toes and fingers a bit. Reflex in right leg. Been fighting a fever so not much rest last night. Surgery today to get the feeding tube in her stomach. Pray for no blood clots which is always the biggest risk now with these surgeries.

Sorry, late on my update for the day. She had a successful surgery and is now resting. She has no tubes on her face anymore and looks way more comfortable. She was able to move fingers and toes on her left side. She had some reflex in her right leg. All big steps!

I went home today really quick while she was in surgery. Gave Everly a bath and cut her nails. Then played a game of yahtzee with her. Switched my clothes out, grabbed bills, showered.

She’s doing well, but is very very tired. Routine CT scan at 4AM so it’ll be an early morning.

CT scan showed a bit of bleeding, but not enough to be majorly concerning. They do need to stop blood thinners for another day because of it. So we’re back to lots of prayers for not clotting. Other than that lots of resting.

They did what is basically an ultrasound of her brain to check for embuli (indicative of clotting and found some). After that they gave her a medicine that sort of acts like a blood thinner, but isn’t one. They checked later and no embuli. Now we just wait until tomorrow and keep hoping for no clots. They will do a CT scan in the morning and if the bleeding looks fine they will do thinners again.

They want to do an MRI tomorrow or Friday. The doctors are confused about her lack of movement given where the stroke was.

I’m alright. I wish we could stop having these setbacks. Her pressure readings have been high so they are taking her for another CT scan to make sure it’s not the bleeding.

CT scan was good.

Well CT scans show that the bleeding has stabilized in her brain. All else equal they would start blood thinners again. However, they are concerned that she has some sort of gastrointestinal bleeding. They want to be sure they know the source before starting on the thinners. So today we’re just praying for no clotting again. Also nothing in the GI work that would prevent them from blood thinners.

Lisa got lots of rest today. They have had her off of blood thinners all day and will continue that into the morning. They want to give the brain bleeding and any potential GI bleeding time to heal. While they do that, they monitor her arteries for signs of clotting. Doctors tried to take her off the ventilator and she almost did it. They think tomorrow or the next day she’ll be able to. For now it’s putting a bit too much stress on her body. She was also dealing with high pressure in her head today which, combined with pain killers made her sleepy. Big victories for the day were not clotting without blood thinners and doing well off of the ventilator.

Communication through blinking and she’s starting to be able to squeeze my hand with her left. Hard to communicate today though because she was so tired and on pain meds. Once she’s stable (tomorrow or the next day) the doctors want an MRI. They’ll look at it to help give us some idea of prognosis and next steps.

Lisa is doing well today. She did great off of the blood thinners, but the doctors obviously want to start them again as soon as possible. They did a CT scan to verify that there isn’t any new bleeding in her brain and we’re awaiting results. If they come back fine, they’ll start blood thinners again. Two more big things for the day: 1) more attempts to ween her off of the ventilator and 2) more attempts to ween her off of the EVD (the brain fluid drain that is currently in/on the top of her head). If she remains stable, we may get an MRI tomorrow so the doctors can give us a better idea of prognosis and next steps.

Lisa had a good day today and is super tired out. She breathed mostly on her own nearly the whole day. They turned the ventilator back on to give her a rest over night. They’ll exercise her breathing again tomorrow for the entire day. They will do that for a couple days before trying to take her all the way off again. They will do an MRI tonight, so we should get information tomorrow on prognosis. I would anticipate it still having lots of unknowns, but it will be better than nothing. No movement on the EVD (head drain) today.

Bit of a scary morning, but Lisa is resting and doing alright now. At about 6, she got some goop in her lungs and her oxygen levels went down. They were able to take care of it and she’s now basically getting a lung massage periodically. At about 8 she had a seizure. They took her for a CT scan and everything looks ok. It’s not uncommon to have this happen for patients in this area. She seems to be fine now and they are giving her some medicine to deal with it. She has a sinus infection, which they are also dealing with. Going to probably be a big resting day. Doctors looked at the MRI and will go over the results with me this afternoon.

Lisa had two more seizures today and is now resting. She recieved some associated medicine and they looked at a CT scan to make sure there was no new bleeding (there was none). Tomorrow morning they will conduct an EEG, which is a test to make sure she’s not having a continuous seizure they don’t know about. Seizures are common in this area of the hospital and generally cause no long term damage. She still did a breathing test today and did well again.

I am basically just watching her 24/7, so I’ve caught a few of these things right away and go get them. I honestly don’t even know if they would’ve seen the seizure this morning. Glad I was there.

They are awesome here, but the seizure maybe only lasted a minute or so. Only her eyes moved. So it would be easy not to see. The other thing I caught was right before emergency surgery, I put the legs on my chair down and she didn’t pop her eyes open. I knew something was wrong and got the doctor.

I was able to head home yesterday and picked Everly up from school and spent some time with her. I’m struggling with how to balance that. She needs me too. I know she’s safe with my mom though.

These seizures are a minor setback, because she’s so tired afterwards and won’t respond to testing. They are going to do that test all day to see if they can catch one on the monitor. I didn’t really sleep last night cause I was watching for them. Caught the one this morning, taped it and timed it for the doctors.

Big things for today: 1) Another successful day of breathing tests and 2) EEG testing confirmed that she is having seizures and the doctors have given her medicine to treat them. She is officially whooped and is sleeping soundly now. They’ll continue to do the EEG overnight to catch any seizures in case the newest medicine doesn’t work. I would guess after that we’re back to the plan of working towards removing the ventilator and removing the EVD (google this for a full description). Ultimately, those are important milestones for getting out of critical care.

I’m still processing the MRI stuff. It went ok. I need some details from a lady that wasn’t in yesterday. Lisa will definitely go into some sort of rehab facility after here (eventually will come home). I need to have an idea of where and how our insurance works, which is what the lady can help me with. I have some ideas for Everly but it’ll depend on details for Lisa.

Today Lisa mostly rested. She dealt with seizures as the doctors work on finding the best medication to handle them. The seizures and associated medicine really tire her out. They did another CT just to rule out any new bleeding and the CT came back fine.

Today was a long and tough one. About 4AM until now. After evaluating the seizure type activity for about 48 hours via camera and EEG (can google) the doctors don’t all think that Lisa is having seizures. A neurologist who specializes in eyes actually came down to evaluate too. If it’s not a seizure then it’s something to do with the brain stem sending rogue signals that are producing the eye tremors we’ve been seeing. They are working to figure out what’s going on, but don’t know. They did an MRI which didn’t show any unexpected changes. They ran about 10 other tests looking for various things (e.g. infections) and we should get those back tomorrow. They’re backing off seizure medicines for now and may hook her back up to an EEG tomorrow to get results without medicine. They also are doing a CT scan and then should get the aforementioned labs back.

She’s very strong and is a fighter. As new doctors come to see her we kind of keep having to prove she is still able to understand everything. Today I got her to raise her eyebrows on command. It fires us both up. I told her when the latest one left, “skrew anybody who doesn’t think you are 100% with it right now. We’ll prove them wrong.” She raised her eyebrows at that ๐Ÿ™‚

[Side note > One doctor asked me if I had looked into any facilities that specialized in locked in syndrome She asked that while standing right next to Lisa. I told her it was very premature to be going there and I think she could tell she irritated me.]

When One Door Closes….

We all know the saying… well I had the chance today to experience this first hand at the Monroe State Correctional Facility . I’m still emotional about it and am having trouble getting it off my mind. Not sure how to get closure to this so I needed to write it out here… So I think you all know already that our five year old grandson has a terminal disease called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. There is currently no cure for this and it affects only boys. Well it’s affected our grandson more than it usually does those at his age. We know there is always hope for technology and cures to happen and evolve, however in waiting for that to happen, we still watch him as this take it’s toll on him, his momma and his older brother who is 8.

About a month ago I was at work and they had a vendor fair, I attended. What I ran into was a room full of people there that would affect the way my grandsons life may turn. There were folks there from Ronald McDonald House, from Make a Wish Foundation, Children’s Hospital and Summit Dogs.
Summit dogs is a non profit fully funded by folks like you and me and the community. They take pups (mostly labs and retrievers) at 8 weeks old, they foster these pups in homes of folks who have been trained by the Summit Program until they are 6 to 8 months old. These pups are trained in mobility to help those with disabilities. At 8 to 9 months old every one of these pups goes then to the Monroe Correctional Facility to complete their training.

Me, I had no idea, however running into them at the vendor fair at my job I began to learn. I learned that the gentleman I met in the wheel chair with his service dog Frasier was the son of my HR gal at work. I learned that he had Cerebral Palsy and had been in his chair since age 2. I learned that he now works for the Summit program and travels the world, he, his dog and his chair. I was floored…
I wanted to know more about this program and how this could possible help my grandson as he gets older. I was then invited to a luncheon by this wonderful young man in his wheelchair fighting the world with his super dog Fraiser and his name is Alex. I attended and learned about the process, the criteria and how this all works. I could not believe the amount of folks at this lunch and that they were all there to donate their money to help fund this program. They literally filled the entire room of the Marriot ballroom.
You see, this program is Free of charge to those that need the service of these animals. All the money to house feed, train and make sure each dog is placed with the right person and continues training and check ups for life comes at a costly price.
The more I learned the more I wanted to know. My next invite was to the Monroe State correctional Facility where I went today. It was the Graduation Ceremony for some of the dogs.

I had no idea what to expect, I arrived, could only bring my clothes i had on and my ID. Background check before I was even approved to attend. Thru the metal detector, into what they call the “Sally Room” which you squeeze into and it locks the doors on both the entrance and exit, the exit door then opens, you walk across the narrow sidewalk to another bldg., into the “Sally Room” once again, then when the exit door opens you are in the inmates cafeteria in which all the tables have been removed and its set up theatre style. Those observing sit in those seats facing the front of the room with a projector up front. As I sit down in the front row I look to my left, there the inmates with their dogs sit facing us. There are three rows of chairs with 10 inmates per row. They have their dogs sitting or laying by them. They are all labs.

As I sit there I’m studying each of them and how focused they are on their dogs, how nervous they look but confident at the same time. They are busy giving the dogs commands and treats to keep them calm, it’s not always working, with the commotion in the room one of the dogs is a bit freaked out and is trying to jump in the lap of his handler. I feel horrible ….

They start the program with folks who came from the outside with disabilities that currently have their dogs and show what they can do. Amazing, they can open doors for those in wheel chairs with a small rope, they know how to push the wheelchair pad in doorways, they can turn lights on and off as long as they can reach the switches, they can even take off their owners jackets or shirts if needed. This was all displayed in front of us and these pups are not even 2 years old.

The dogs that did this had all been trained previously by the inmates here. Some of the inmates know or trained the dogs and were reunited. It was beautiful to see. The dogs remembered them and went to them once told they could.

It was then time for each inmate and their partner to bring their dog up and show what they had taught them. These inmates live in a cell smaller than a horse stall, their are two of them, their dog and the Kennel, the dogs live with them in their cell 24×7. These guys we also learned give up other paying jobs in the facility in order to train these pups for nothing. They had the opportunity to speak to us if they so desired as they were each handed their graduation papers with a beautiful photo of them and their dog.

Some chose to speak, others did not, you could see thru the entire process the emotion from these inmates. Some spoke to how these pups have changed their lives, how they brought back emotion they didn’t know existed, how some had never had a family or felt loved or loyalty and are now feeling that from these pups. How when they train these pups and folks come back in the program to share, they are able to see how what they did made a HUGE difference in others lives. These grown ruff, tough, tattooed, scarred men cried.

After the program we had the opportunity for 20 minutes to interact with these inmates. 99.9 % of the of the folks that came were donors to the program and wanted to see the full process, Me, I was there for my grandson.
I took this opportunity to meet and talk to each one of these inmates. I shook their hands, I thanked them and I asked questions. I made sure each one of them knew every detail about my grandson and that his dog was going to be coming thru and one of them was going to be responsible for training it. I told them, ” this is personal to me, this is about my grandson and his ability to live life to the fullest and I’m going to be counting on you to help me”. Four of the men I talked to Cried as I told my story each one of them thanked me for sharing it and told me that it’s stories like mine and those who visited today in their chairs, with their dogs that are the most emotional for them. They see the good, they want to change, they want to keep making a difference….

You know what I told them, when one door closes, another door opens and who are we to judge or know the reasons…just walk thru it..

I met each one of these men in this video today.

Only the Good Die Young

Why is it that these words are so true in life, or that folks whether it be someone you know or someone famous always pass in threes? I keep contemplating this and it is so very true, especially those that pass in three’s. Is it a universal triangular effect? Is it coincidence? what the heck is it that makes these things happen?
Why do the good die young, I mean seriously they really do, it is that the universe wants the good vs the bad before the apocalypse happens? Is it to leave the bad until the end and see who fights it out and wins? The less better over evil? do you ever think of these things?
We have so many that are dying of cancer, of unforeseen tragedies that are just horrific and watching those we love die needlessly, painfully and in anguish.
Just from my side, we have a “family member” going in for cancer surgery on Monday to have a Kidney removed. We have a very dear neighbor that has been struggling with cancer for three years now and getting worse, going in for 4 days of continuous chemo on Tuesday. My dad had cancer surgery in March, my precious uncle died of cancer, we have another adopted son who has lupus and has been on dialysis for quite the long haul, lost his job, is in the hospital three times a week not counting when his fistula went bad, he got a blood clot and they had to put in a direct line to his heart until they could fix the issue. We have another in law family member who has cancer to the point that at this time she is an in patient for almost a year… these folks have been the spitting image of society, community, giving back and just all around amazing souls… why them? We have another mother who is 32 who just had a brain blockage in April. She is married and has a very young daughter, she is still in critical care, she is immobilized. Her brain is 100% however her body is not. She can move her eyebrows, she can smile but not speak, she can move now her left hand and right along with her toes and nothing else…. she is 32. She like the others never gives up, they smile, they are oh so very strong, they teach others the meaning of inspiration and optimism. My thoughts, why should they, why aren’t the assholes who are abusers, who are killers and enemies of the human race in these situations instead, why aren’t the abusers of children, animals and woman, those who rape and kill in drunk driving or other recklessness in these hospital beds… I really do not understand and it breaks my heart. Why do we have these very young children dying of diseases that we cannot cure, when those horrible people around us live without conscious doing drugs, stealing and having the state support them. It is so so wrong. Do you believe in a higher power? do you believe in re incarnation? what do you believe. I believe we are already living in hell and the next life is our reprieve…..there is no other option at this point for my brain to fathom.

When the Day….

Woke up this am, sunshine flowing thru the window next to my bed, both puppies sill asleep, Gracie next to my right leg and Bella curled up next to my left hip. Covers off, I can already feel the heat thru the window, I look at the clock it’s 8:10am. I better get up as according to my hubby, if I’m up later than 8 and not downstairs I’ve already let half the day go. LOL, he’s up at the butt crack of dawn every day all the time. He works his butt off, never sits still and loves being outside. I crawl out of bed puppies close behind and walk downstairs, the back door is already open and coffee’s been brewed and he’s already outside somewhere ๐Ÿ™‚ with our five acres there is always a tree to come down, something to be mowed or trimmed, moles to chase birds to feed and squirrels to mess with. He loves to see how hard he can shove the corn cobs into the squirrel feeder to see if they can pry them out. So far Squirrels about 20, Duane 0. He calls them the little bastards lol.

So I know that our grandsons go visit their dad on Saturday so Courtney will be home alone. I eat, go upstairs to take a shower and (shave my legs) !!! first time since last summer hahahaha woohoo!!! Yeah sunshine…
I go pick up Courtney, we come back hang at the house talking and cleaning. We go outside and it’s like a sauna ๐Ÿ™‚ we plant flowers, we talk about life, kids, how tough things are when your a single mom with your own issues along with your sons having health issues. The fact you have to depend on child support that never seems to come to buy your kids food and keep them clothed.

Dad never seems to be able to pay court ordered child support however he can pay for movies, gas, a car full of fast food items to the point when you open the door the shit falls out. He can pay for a hotel overnight for he and the boys however he cant seem to pay his weekly support. The parenting plan was for 1 day every other weekend, the judge says no to Courtney that the boys deserve to see their dad at least 48 hours every two weeks. So okay, he comes on Saturdays (when he can, says he) shows up at 11am and brings them back to Courtney at 5pm… so that’s 6 hours a week…hmmm.
Ah well, the boys adore him, he’s their idol so you cant do a whole lot to jeopardize that relationship, that would be wrong, however in the meantime Courtney is the one suffering to make ends meet and make sure the boys are fed, clothed and happy.
I thank God every day that she is such an amazing mother and is able to cope with it all, God gave those boys the best momma on the planet. She is strong, caring, funny, spends the most amazing time with them doing goofy stuff, playing games. She gives them Memories and Quality time. For those who do not know, Dylan is 5 and has DMD which is terminal, Alan is 8 and has traits of Autism and Courtney has her own medical issue. So for her to go thru all this, keep her head up, chin held high and function day to day is a blessing from God.

So hanging out just her and I while my hubby is roaming the acreage with his to do list, her and I had great conversation, meaningful conversation.

Time passes and Duane’s mom and dad come down, I wasn’t done planting and was a bit testy however once I sat down and started chatting I realized that I had really missed moms company and insight, she was in a great mood, looked good and happy. Made my day. A bit later here come hubbies brother, two kids and wife to be, coming to check out the yard as they are getting married here next month. So hubby and I every Saturday at 3:30 go to our local watering hole to visit with some dear friends. So now we have a deck full of folks and I’ve been sick and worked hard yesterday and today outside and I want to go. I’m looking at my watch and it’s 3:30, ah we have time still, then it 4:02 then 4:10, I can feel my blood start to boil about then, as now my hubby has cracked a beer which means now were more than likely not going anywhere.

I walk in the house to get some water and hubby comes in to see what I want for dinner, I’m like I don’t care in a very pissy manner…he get’s the point. Now it’s five and I have to take Courtney home as Dad is dropping off the boys. I take her home and on may way back I’m thinking… man I’m so messed up, here we have three generations of family at my house all laughing talking, telling stories out on the deck, breeze blowing, sun out, birds chirping, dogs running around and I’m being a meanie head cause I’m not going to the bar. I actually started laughing out loud in my car. Not sure if it was the heat, all the folks at once or what but the light bulb turned on driving home.

I get home chatting up my niece and nephew whom I absolutely adore, I go start the BBQ an inform them they are hanging out for dinner, we BBQ’s dogs and burgers, ate coleslaw then I’m putting things away watching them all thru the kitchen window as they laugh. My niece comes in and says aunt Lorrie will you throw the baseball for me. I’m like sure honey, she says really? I’m like yeah, she says wow I thought you were going to say no….

So we go out and start playing baseball, she wacked one that almost took my head off, we both were cracking I’m pitching she’s hitting, then I’m hitting she’s trying to pitch lol, so then here comes my nephew and he wants to play also, so I get two balls and am pitching to them both. I’m running after balls while they stand there and hit, or I’m ducking or dodging while they are cracking up, so now here comes their uncle (my hubby) to play so he’s pitching to our nephew and I’m pitching to our niece, uhm yeah hahah they’re hitting each other with the bat, balls are flying everywhere. It was hysterical. So now here comes there dad so he and my hubby are pitching, the kids are hitting and who do you think is chasing the ball? ha yep me !!

After a bit I step aside so it’s just them four, one goes to hit the ball double spins and lands on the ground so the other falls cause she’s laughing so hard. so now it’s just the two big brother playing and they are trying to take each other out ๐Ÿ™‚ Fast and I mean Fast balls are wizzing thru the air a chin is hit. they are jumping around like kangaroos as to not get hit. No one could have hit any of those balls as they were not aiming at the bats any longer but at each other. The kids had tears they were laughing so hard.

so they ended up leaving about 8pm ๐Ÿ™‚ the moral of my story is this, I had the best day in a long long time, enjoying myself and watching my hubby, his brother, parents, niece and nephew have an absolute blast !! no phones, no technology just good ole baseball, family and BBQ.
So When the Day turns itself upside down and things don’t go as planned, take a deep breath, go with the flow, flush out the frustration and live a little ๐Ÿ™‚ Trust me, you’ll be glad you did


we forget just how lucky we are, we dwell on the fact we are ill, or stressed, we don’t have the money we want, we can’t travel, we don’t have the right person in our lives, don’t have the right style of clothes. Someone we love is sick and we cannot do anything to help…negative thoughts, negative feelings. negative vibes. This affects everything and everyone around you, it affects your thinking, your choices, it affects the people who want to be around you. That in itself snowballs into what could be a horrific life change.
I’ve found myself lately getting into that routine, my grandson is terminally ill and he’s getting worse, nothing helps, it runs my daughter down and she is now ill a lot of the time to, she has many things going on health wise also. It affects my oldest grandson who sees his mom ill and his brother getting worse . I think what in the world did any of us do to have to go thru this.
And then
I meet this person in a meeting, very kind, smart intelligent man, he is in
this meeting with me for like an hour. I think nothing of it. We speak maybe 20 words to each other and all go our separate ways. Two months go by and I get an email that is sent company wide about a tragedy that had happened to a person at our work. A person who is fine one day and the next their life has changed forever. This person has been in the hospital now since April and is still there fighting for their life. This person is not able to breathe on their own, has a trach in, this person cannot move anything except their eyes. this person is awake and has a hundred percent brain function after two surgeries. This person is thirty four years old, married with a young daughter. As I’m reading thru this email that is asking folks for prayers, healing wishes and any help for the family that can be given I click on the link that takes me to a photo gallery and the full story of what has happened.
I’m stunned when I see, this is the person from my meeting, that I met only one time and it’s not him, it’s his wife that this has happened to. He had started a Journal from day one and every single detail that had happened from the doctors to the nurses to his wife and her every breath. These journals started at day one and still continue every single evening he writes of the days events. I come into work now and read these each day and post my comments back to him. I don’t know if he ever reads them or if he even knows who I am. These entries are so touching, so profound that I could never explain how they have changed me and my views on life itself, on love, on true grit if you will. This man sitting next to the love of his life, the mother of his young daughter not knowing the outcome of this terrible tragedy that has taken over his life, however in reading thru his notes and getting up to speed, I noticed something, there was never a negative word, nor thought nor implication. Every word or response was utter joy. She looked at me today, really looked at me. she moved her toe!!!! Another day, no more eye bobbing that has stopped yeah… She squeezed my hand, she is mouthing words however cannot speak yet.
These are all things that have happened over the last two months. however, it’s all about joy, hope. love and faith. Who does that? Who would instead be like omg how are we going to live, how do I work and support possible a disabled wife for the rest of my life. What about my daughter, Why has this happened to us?
But not these two, the are going for the gold and I have faith they will make it. I truly wish I had known her, I think we would have been friends with her spunk and newly found attitude with communication thru raising her eyebrow or squeezing of a hand. I love these two for the inspiration they bring.
So I’m sitting at my desk on Tuesday this week and this man comes up to me and says hey Lorrie, I turn around and say “yes” he says “I just want to thank you for all the posts on my journal pages” I almost fell out of my chair, I was so caught off guard that it was him, there, at work, telling me thank you… I burst into tears and could hardly speak and I apologized for my emotions as I let him know how their love and faith thru all of this had inspired me and totally changed my outlook on how I look at things. I shared a bit about our daughter and grandson and he told me that they would pray for them. I was just stunned. This is the kind of people that still are around us everywhere we just have to be aware and take notice. we need to help and support each other. Who knows Sometimes……what is brought to our doorstep and why

So I’ve

Written three bogs this week and only the titles are posting and none of the storyline…does anyone know why? I cannot even find in my saved notes… very very frustrating, Any help would be greatly appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Not Quite Sure

How I’m feeling today, how much crap can one person be put thru at age 32? A person who has never hurt or harmed a soul or an animal, who had pet Ferrets, pet rats, pet frogs and a lizard named Max to name a few.
A person who grew up with her own special needs and issues. How do you look her in the eye and tell her everything is going to be okay? A single mom with serious health issues of her own that are never controlled enough for her to have what we call (a good day). A mom with two boys with hearts of gold, huge smiles and such empathy it tears you up. One of which has a terminal disease and struggles daily but never loses that precious smile. The second with his own health issues that at times bring him to his knees in frustration, pain in his heart for his momma and brother and lack of understanding on how life can be so cruel. Why did my dad leave us for another family, why dont I have friends why are my mom and brother always sick or at the hospital. Where do I fit in, I’m so scared my brother is going leave us…
So again, how do parents of a daughter and family such as this continue when every turn is a new item or unforeseen issue just waiting to knock us all back on our asses.
I guess as I write this I know the answer, I just needed to vent. Its love, its faith, its taking one day at a time and believing in the unbelievable, its optimism, its support of your family and true friends. Its the circle of life.